- April 23, 2024
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Rev. Pam Stewart heads up a grief-counseling program through Vitas and Tomoka United Methodist Church, meant to help residents through loss during the holidays.
BY WAYNE GRANT | STAFF WRITER
The season of “Joy to the World” and “Jingle Bells” can be a time of sadness for many dealing with the death of loved ones. While grief counseling is available year-round, holiday-specific seminars are becoming more common.
Rev. Pam Stewart, an elder at Tomoka United Methodist Church, 1000 Old Tomoka Road, is also a chaplain with Vitas, a hospice care provider. She will offer grief counseling by Vitas at the church during the holidays. The group already met once at Thanksgiving, as well as each Monday following, until Dec. 16.
“People have memories associated with Thanksgiving, as well as Christmas,” she said. “We stop before Christmas so people can travel.”
She said Vitas is multicultural and has no religious affiliations, but religious information is available to those who are interested.
Stewart said one of the points made in grief counseling is that many things a person goes through are normal. For example, the first couple of months after a loss are foggy.
“It helps you deal with it,” she said. “I call it God’s cushion.”
She said our culture dictates that when three months have gone by, it’s time to stop grieving.
“Employers will give you three days for grief leave. Friends send you a card and then don’t want to hear about it anymore,” she said. “But it takes three months before people are ready to verbalize. They are just coming out of the fog.”
Holidays can be especially difficult for people who had been married for a long time, she added. Grieving people also have a tendency to remove themselves from social situations.
“Sometimes grieving people will feel like they want to go somewhere but, when it comes along, they don’t feel like going,” she said. “I tell them they have permission to do that. They may be having a blue day.”
The group dynamics are different in every seminar, she said. Sometimes, different people will come to the meetings and sometimes the entire group stays together and bonds.
“I deal with what I have and go from there,” she said.
She said she keeps the seminar informational at the beginning with no pressure to share personal experiences. Then later, she said, people begin to open up when they feel comfortable. And that's when the healing begins.
“Some people say, ‘Throw yourself into something to forget.' But that’s just delaying grief,” she said. “If you cover a wound up, it will fester. You need to feel the pain and let the scar form.”
The church also offers The Longest Night of the Year, a Christian Service at 3 p.m. on Dec. 22.
“It’s recognizing winter solstice,” she said. “Nights are also long for people who are grieving.”
She said “Longest Night of the Year” is a Christmas service that recognizes that the season is not always merry for everyone.
“The first Christmas was not a happy time,” she said. “They were searching for shelter, a place to stay.”
