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Ormond Beach Observer Tuesday, Aug. 11, 2015 3 years ago

Ormond Speechmasters host annual humor contest

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by: Emily Blackwood News Editor

Ormond Speechmasters shared stories of selling women’s shoes, falling in love with baseball and destroying Chick-Fil-A bathrooms. 

“I hope no one here works at Chick-Fil-A,” said Dennis Alsobrook as he walked around Classroom B at the Florida Hospital Memorial Medical Center Monday night.

Donning his “World’s Greatest Grandpa” t-shirt, Alsobrook told the crowd of 30 people a story about the first one-on-one time he had with his young grandson, Matthew. Usually stubborn on the no-diapers rule, Alsobrook was mislead by his grandson to believe that his potty-training was up to grandpa’s standards.

“He told me ‘I don’t poop my pants anymore, and I know how to wipe my butt.”

Alsobrook proceeded to tell the audience how his grandson later made a distinctive type of mess in the Chick-Fil-A bathroom after attempting to unlock the stall door so Alsobrook could give him more toilet paper.

“To say there was a mess is an understatement,” said Alsobrook. “I cleaned him up the best I could and got the heck out of there.”

Alsobrook’s speech titled “Shouldn’t Have Done It But I Did,” was just one of three deliveries made by the Toastmasters International’ local chapter Ormond Speechmasters. Kevin Lorden was a master of sound effects as he described the summer of 1979 when he fell in love with Baltimore Orioles baseball games, in his speech “Summer Romance.” Sitting in the coveted Section 34, Lorden and his friends hung around Will Bill, a.k.a the biggest Orioles fan, as he wore his white cowboy hat and attempted to spell the team’s name with his own body.

“There’s a lot of ritual and superstition in baseball,” Lorden said. “My ritual was getting a hotdog. I’d hand the money down the line of people, and the hotdog get passed down back. It touched all those hands, and this was BHS, before hand sanitizer.”

Chuck Cravotta got creative with his impressions during his speech “Selling Ladies Souls.” The crowd giggled as he attempted to reach high pitches while impersonating a woman with massive feet that he sold shoes too in Mesquite, Texas during the store’s huge Easter Sale. He even pretended to use Crisco to help the woman — who came into the store wearing men’s slippers — squeeze into a size 10 white pump.

“All they had to do was last for two hours during the Easter Sunday Service.”

For more information on the Ormond Speechmasters visit www.ormondspeechmasters.com.

Contest Winners

Evaluation contest winners:

  • 1st: Jonathan Gildon
  • 2nd: Patty Alsobrook

Humor contest winners:

  • 1st: Kevin Lorden
  • 2nd: Dennis Alsobrook

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